Resources
Feeling descriptions
Once you have named a feeling, the next step is to describe it. In the body, in memory, in image.
Naming a feeling, "I feel lonely," is the first step. A dialogue letter that stops there stays at the surface. The Retrouvaille method asks you to describe the feeling in at least three ways: as a physical sensation in your body, as a connection to a shared memory, and as an image or metaphor.
The three together give your spouse something they can feel their way into. Use the browser below to filter by pleasant or unpleasant, by description method, and, for images, by subcategory.
Pleasant and unpleasant feelings
Sort by the kind of feeling you are working with.
Physical sensations and memories
Connect feelings to the body and to moments you both remember.
Metaphors and images
Use imagery when a feeling is hard to name.
Putting it together
A well-described feeling in a dialogue letter might read like this:
I feel relieved. In my body it feels like my lungs finally have enough room, like I've been breathing shallowly for months and just now remembered how to take a full breath. It reminds me of the afternoon after your mother's funeral, when we finally cried together and the worst of it had passed. It is like the color of early morning before anyone else is awake.
That one word, "relieved," turns into something your spouse can step into. Not just a word on a page.
Start with naming the feeling. The feeling words list is the right place to begin. From there, bring a specific discussion questions prompt into focus and write. For the method behind all of this, the core concepts page and the FAQ cover the essentials. A fuller picture of the skills the program teaches is on the the dialogue tool page.
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